( it takes a few minutes but she teleports to him, with her own glass that she's been steadily drinking and the whiskey bottle. he might need a refill.
she waits until they're sat down before continuing-- )
I gave her a gift, though I didn't disclose its true purpose.
[He's gotten into the habit of sending his phone off into another room during a serious conversation, so he does that now, taking a seat and letting her top up his glass.
And then he immediately groans at the revelation.]
[It's so hard not to snap at her, he has to clench his jaw shut for a moment as the urge passes. This was monumentally stupid, in his opinion, and also a little bit cruel. He knows she must have had good intentions, she cares about Agnes, that much is obvious, but it put the poor woman at risk without her ever getting a choice.
Once he's calm enough not to snap at her, he still has to ask:]
( it isn't even about the contract but that he can watch her whenever he chooses, punish her on whims he decides. and it's painful to her. personally )
The Archivist made it clear that I can't stop him-- ( kill him ) but-- I could protect her.
[Crowley snaps his fingers, the photos that Anderson gave him appearing on the sofa beside Lilith. Surveillance photos from Heaven.]
I've not had a moment to myself for my entire bloody existence, apparently. That wouldn't make it alright to presume I know what's best for someone else. She should've had a choice.
( she'll potentially regret not taking a better look at them later but right now, though lilith does glance at them, her mindset is wrong. she's focused on what she did wrong, on both how it made her feel, how her past has-- and she's not good at getting it across. even his pictures, though he was observed, feel far more freedom than she's ever known )
She should.
( they all should. she won't apologise for what she did because now that she's out of that situation she almost wishes that someone would have helped her. but who could have? )
I didn't believe that his power was so great. Even Lucifer isn't omniscient.
[That's all he needed to hear, really. The anger doesn't immediately disappear, he's still frustrated and worried and angry that this has all been dragged up again.]
Elias isn't either, I don't think. Martin's said they could distract him, keep him focused on one thing at once, but Agnes is that thing right now, yeah? Of course he was going to know.
( was it her decision to be his focus or did everyone else decide that for her? )
He may not be but his power-- if he knew perhaps she had been hidden.
( which meant that her power could work if in some other way. she isn't considering agnes again but keeping it in mind for a future attempt. if their is one )
[Ah, that's what this is about. Crowley sighs, vanishing the photos with a wave of his hand, moving to sit closer to Lilith.
He doesn't reach out, but it's a close thing.]
You can help her by being there. [This too, he understands. Crowley's always known how awful Heaven could be, how unkind they were to Aziraphale, but there was no fighting them. Not like that.] Give her somewhere she's safe.
[Not a physical space, necessarily. He's suggesting that Lilith be the safety, the port in the storm, as it were. It's what he tried to do for Aziraphale, giving him somewhere he could be himself and forget about Heaven, at least for a while.]
( because lilith knew that this wouldn't be his last punishment. it never was. it hurt to think about pulling away from her but lilith didn't know if she could watch it either.
she still expects it for herself. even without the thought of lucifer bound within nick she still expects him to have been watching her, to punish her for moving away from him, for not fulfilling her plans. hell may not be here but he could still be )
I won't.
( she can't is the truth of it, not when it rips at her, reminds her-- and how can she just soothe it to let it happen again? )
[It's cruel, in a way, and it isn't really his ultimatum to deliver, but if she can't handle watching Agnes get hurt, then she doesn't have much to offer the woman. Since Agnes has made it fairly clear that she doesn't want people going up against Elias for her.]
Either you care enough to bear it or you don't, that's the choice you've got to make. You can't fight for her if it isn't what she wants.
( it's a comment that makes her go very quiet because-- she doesnt know how to respond. part of her selfishly doesn't want to let her go because of how agnes has made her feel but-- could she watch it? which part of her was stronger.
it takes a moment, a slight raise of her glass before she lowers it again, finger tapping the edge of it )
Anyone who's endured anything has already endured enough.
[Agnes has suffered, so has Lilith, so has Crowley, so have billions of people across multiple words and very few of them deserve it, by any definition of the word. There's no line in the sand where suffering is acceptable, but that won't stop it from continuing to happen.]
I'm not trying to be a bastard here, but there's only so much that can be done. You've got to decide whether she's worth it.
( because for a while now it hadn't just been about helping her quota but building her up, showing her the worth she'd been denied, strength in her situation.
except-- she did this. and that's a guilt lilith doesn't know how to handle, a feeling she doesnt feel )
[It isn't much of a pep talk, considering it's roughly the equivalent of suck it up, but Lilith made a choice getting involved with Agnes, and she made a choice to give her that gift, whatever it was.
These are just the consequences.]
You ought to own up to it once she's out, even if it isn't why Elias had her sent to Realignment.
( she shares a look with him before finishing the last of her whiskey, leaning to place the glass on the table. she's danced around lucifer's cruelty before but this closer admission is a show of trust with him. lucifer has done a lot to her and elias doesn't know her to know how to hurt her )
Not a bad path to take with the likes of us, though.
[There's an understanding in this. Crowley never drew anyone's personal ire, he was always very careful of that, but that doesn't mean he's never failed an assignment, never gotten into Hell's bad books. Pain isn't an effective punishment, once you're used to it.
Something about what she says raises a question, though.]
Is this not the first time he's sent her to Realignment?
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[It might be safer, between Elias and the city.]
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she waits until they're sat down before continuing-- )
I gave her a gift, though I didn't disclose its true purpose.
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And then he immediately groans at the revelation.]
Fuck's sake, Lilith, what was it?
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A bracelet, enchanted with a protection spell. To-- ( and her voice dips a little quieter ) --hide her from his sight.
( it's not just that agnes is hurt because of this that pains her, it goes far deeper )
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Once he's calm enough not to snap at her, he still has to ask:]
You know that was a mistake, yeah?
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( it isn't even about the contract but that he can watch her whenever he chooses, punish her on whims he decides. and it's painful to her. personally )
The Archivist made it clear that I can't stop him-- ( kill him ) but-- I could protect her.
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And did you ask her if this protection was worth the risk?
[That's what he has an issue with, since Agnes was put in danger without knowing the danger. It's deeply unfair to her.]
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( her eyes close, a deeper breath. it's not lost on her what happened, that it happened again )
I know what it's like being under such a control.
( and yet the one person that had tried to help her had died for it, even though they didn't know what they were doing )
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[Crowley snaps his fingers, the photos that Anderson gave him appearing on the sofa beside Lilith. Surveillance photos from Heaven.]
I've not had a moment to myself for my entire bloody existence, apparently. That wouldn't make it alright to presume I know what's best for someone else. She should've had a choice.
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She should.
( they all should. she won't apologise for what she did because now that she's out of that situation she almost wishes that someone would have helped her. but who could have? )
I didn't believe that his power was so great. Even Lucifer isn't omniscient.
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Elias isn't either, I don't think. Martin's said they could distract him, keep him focused on one thing at once, but Agnes is that thing right now, yeah? Of course he was going to know.
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He may not be but his power-- if he knew perhaps she had been hidden.
( which meant that her power could work if in some other way. she isn't considering agnes again but keeping it in mind for a future attempt. if their is one )
I can't help her.
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He doesn't reach out, but it's a close thing.]
You can help her by being there. [This too, he understands. Crowley's always known how awful Heaven could be, how unkind they were to Aziraphale, but there was no fighting them. Not like that.] Give her somewhere she's safe.
[Not a physical space, necessarily. He's suggesting that Lilith be the safety, the port in the storm, as it were. It's what he tried to do for Aziraphale, giving him somewhere he could be himself and forget about Heaven, at least for a while.]
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( because lilith knew that this wouldn't be his last punishment. it never was. it hurt to think about pulling away from her but lilith didn't know if she could watch it either.
she still expects it for herself. even without the thought of lucifer bound within nick she still expects him to have been watching her, to punish her for moving away from him, for not fulfilling her plans. hell may not be here but he could still be )
I won't.
( she can't is the truth of it, not when it rips at her, reminds her-- and how can she just soothe it to let it happen again? )
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[It's cruel, in a way, and it isn't really his ultimatum to deliver, but if she can't handle watching Agnes get hurt, then she doesn't have much to offer the woman. Since Agnes has made it fairly clear that she doesn't want people going up against Elias for her.]
Either you care enough to bear it or you don't, that's the choice you've got to make. You can't fight for her if it isn't what she wants.
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it takes a moment, a slight raise of her glass before she lowers it again, finger tapping the edge of it )
She's endured enough.
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[Agnes has suffered, so has Lilith, so has Crowley, so have billions of people across multiple words and very few of them deserve it, by any definition of the word. There's no line in the sand where suffering is acceptable, but that won't stop it from continuing to happen.]
I'm not trying to be a bastard here, but there's only so much that can be done. You've got to decide whether she's worth it.
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She is.
( because for a while now it hadn't just been about helping her quota but building her up, showing her the worth she'd been denied, strength in her situation.
except-- she did this. and that's a guilt lilith doesn't know how to handle, a feeling she doesnt feel )
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[It isn't much of a pep talk, considering it's roughly the equivalent of suck it up, but Lilith made a choice getting involved with Agnes, and she made a choice to give her that gift, whatever it was.
These are just the consequences.]
You ought to own up to it once she's out, even if it isn't why Elias had her sent to Realignment.
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( just as lucifer had. but she also realises in a way that this had punished her, hurting agnes hurt her. caring really was a weakness )
But he doesn't care.
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[That's the whole point of Agnes, as far as Crowley can tell, to keep Jon on a short leash. Now he's just using it to hurt Lilith, as well.]
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( she shares a look with him before finishing the last of her whiskey, leaning to place the glass on the table. she's danced around lucifer's cruelty before but this closer admission is a show of trust with him. lucifer has done a lot to her and elias doesn't know her to know how to hurt her )
Which he may lack. He's taken one path so far.
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[There's an understanding in this. Crowley never drew anyone's personal ire, he was always very careful of that, but that doesn't mean he's never failed an assignment, never gotten into Hell's bad books. Pain isn't an effective punishment, once you're used to it.
Something about what she says raises a question, though.]
Is this not the first time he's sent her to Realignment?
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( he may have stepped it up but the first time also felt unjustified )
Previously he-- implanted memories of someone's time in realignment.
( a show of what was to come )
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