demonicmiracle | (apocalypse how) ic contact

[ Look at Crowley go. He's all surly. Everything went better than expected.

Aziraphale has a little laugh at his expense, because Aziraphale is a smug bastard who thinks he's funny. This is known. ]

Am I too far behind the times to care about that sort of thing, or so cutting-edge that I would be embarrassed?

[ Anthony J. Crowley's self-inflicted polo shirt torture. The great imaginary tragedy of our time. ]

[Unfortunately for Crowley, he's both very stupid and very fond of Aziraphale being a bastard in his general direction.]

It's like — the shite the royals run around in when they're trying to look like normal people.

[Not necessarily out dated or cutting edge, just unbearably wanky in a way that would look ridiculous on Crowley.]

Some of their women's clothing isn't awful, but I'm not opening that damn can of worms.

[Messing around with gender is all well and good when he can manipulate people and/or make alterations to his appearance; he's not risking that shit while human.]

Ohhh.

[ Can he say much about the fine art of trying to look like a normal human? Not in the fashionable sense since... oh, early 1900s or so. He just sort of gets away with it because humans think he's strange and wealthy and gay, and possibly because as far as humans go, he's never cared very much if they think he doesn't quite fit.

Everyone's a little bit odd on Earth. No need to rush out of his favorite kit so far. Well, before now. Semantics.

Crowley would probably be so uncomfortable in that sort of style that he'd go past entertainingly cranky to a proper strop, though. Better not to egg it on. ]

I suppose that is off the table for the time being, isn't it? I'm sorry you're cut short on options.

[ They're very tied down to these bodies now. Sort of makes him wish he'd had time for a proper stretch-out before subletting Madame Tracy. He can only imagine how it must be rankling from Crowley's end. Crowley always has been the one more inclined to shake things up with a corporation on occasion. ]

Eh, isn't that big of a deal.

[The fact that he has his hands shoved into his pockets and shoulders a little hunched over suggests otherwise, to someone who knows him well enough to pick when he's feeling put out or defensive about something and doesn't want to admit it. Which is also why he's poking at shirts as a distraction.

It's not that he even wants to shake things up, he doesn't expect he'll be in the mood for a while, after being Ashtoreth for so many years and dealing with all that shit. But not having the choice frustrates him, because it's just another decision that's been stripped away from him.

Clearly the solution is to make jokes about it, so no one can guess what he's feeling. Like Aziraphale hasn't known him for millennia.]

Isn't all that different from Hell suggesting I stick to one presentation or another for an assignment. Not that they'd know, could've gone down there tarted up in a miniskirt and high heels and just tell 'em that's what blokes are wearing these days.

[There's a mental image. You're welcome, Aziraphale.]

[ Oops. There is a mental image. He can't believe he's made it so far only to fail to survive this world specifically.

So it's nice to have shirts to rifle through and give due consideration, really. At junctures like these. Fussiness as an outlet. ]

Not so different isn't something I'd call not so bad. [ When the comparison point is literal Hell and all. It's something snatched off the table either way.

And by the line of Crowley's shoulders, still a happening he clearly doesn't care for. There isn't very much to be done about it, either. ]

Well. Doesn't usually take me long to find the good neighborhoods once I get settled. [ He's like a gay U-boat suddenly turning up on sonar. ] If you need to stretch your proverbial legs someday, I ought to be able to point you.

[ Proverbial legs. Literal legs. His problem is thinking too much about legs, although in his defense, there's a lot of leg to think of. ]

[If nothing else, the offer draws a startled laugh out of Crowley, who stops poking at clothing to look over at Aziraphale. It's necessary, so that Aziraphale can see the amused look on his face and the raised eyebrow.]

Is that your way of offering to hook me up with the gay community?

[It's not something they've ever said out loud, despite it being incredibly obvious, because it's too close to being human, and he's always suspected it's something Heaven might look down their noses at, were they to find out.

(Not the gay part, really, just the part about finding community with humans.)

It's also treading close to the line of talking about — attraction and romance and sex, and that's a terrifying concept, when there are certain answers that Crowley might want and isn't sure he'd get.

But it feels easier, here, away from prying eyes, while they almost are human.]

Actually, hang on, should I be offended that you think I couldn't find them myself?

[He doesn't dress like a goth twink by accident!!!

He's not actually offended. It's very sweet of Aziraphale to offer, especially when it's about personal comfort. He's not used to having those sorts of things considered by the people around him.

But that's too much to unpack at an alternate universe Sears.]

[ He does an offended little gasp at the term hook up, because of course he does, and volleys back an "introduce you!" mostly on principle. Never mind that they both meant the same thing by the terms they used and he knows that.

Funny to hear it said outright, though. None of the hush-hush. Not bad, but funny.

Aziraphale does whatever the shooting-glance equivalent of sticking his tongue out is and goes back to squinting at the shirt he's pulled. Not much to be done for waistcoats, but at least button-downs are more or less the same as ever. ]

Don't be ridiculous, I'm sure you could do it if you wanted. But I was hardly going to assume. I can really only speak for my own experience, can't I?

[ Soho sort of unfolded right around him. It was lovely.

He's never asked if Crowley tended to go looking for that community or not, through the march of human history. Now he finds himself wondering. ]

[Every day Crowley drifts further from God's light by choosing to antagonize Aziraphale. He even gives a cheeky grin as he's corrected, enjoying himself far too much for someone who's stuck clothes shopping because he's been dragged into a different universe and depowered.]

Right, right, I forgot we didn't hang out in the 20s. The recent ones.

[He did not forget, because that fight was awful and haunted him for decades, but it's funnier to frame it this way.

Also he's decided that he doesn't like any of these shirts, but he'll hang around so Aziraphale can keep looking.]

I spent a good bit of time at Le Monocle.

[It seems reasonable to assume that Aziraphale would know the name of one of the premier lesbian bars in Paris.]

[ Things that neither of them forgot even slightly: that. It's nice not to-- stumble over it, so to speak. To know a bit more about what Crowley got up to in that stretch of time.

This is now an Aziraphale shirt zone. He's getting at least three and they're all going to be very similar because he needs consistency or he'll wither up and die. ]

Oh, that must have been lovely! I always heard good things about it. [ The lesbian scene in the 20s was, admittedly, less his experience area. But word does travel.

Sounded fun as anything, while it lasted. Is local angel a little bit jealous of 1920s lesbians getting to have fun with his demon that he drove off? That would require more self-examination than he wants to get into right now. ]

[It's probably for the best that they didn't run into each other then; Crowley can't imagine his self-control would have been able to handle Aziraphale during the decadence of the 20s.]

A proper den of iniquity, it was. [Judging from his smirk, he's probably joking.] Or that's what I told downstairs, anyway.

[So that's a definite, on the joking. He didn't really get up to anything more exciting than drinking, smoking, and dancing, but it was easy enough to spin things in his reports so that it sounded as if he was doing proper demonic work.]

Now you've got me wondering if there's a drag scene here. Might be worth looking into.

And here I was fostering the sincere expression of love around London. If there were any untoward parties in sight, I certainly can't recall making note of it.

[ Why, that would have been unbecoming. Quite impossible. Sometimes history is just tweaking your reports re: the genuine love and sense of community around you and the people definitely getting wasted and handsy at the bar.

Humans always do love to fall into the squishy, hard-to-define middle of things like that. Oh, the 20s. Fantastic decade. ]

Still. I'll keep the scene in mind when I'm poking about. [ He amends, for the purpose of bastardry: ] If you don't find it first, of course.

[ All the better to provide even a sliver of transformative option or just a real hoot of an atmosphere, depending on Crowley's needs in that regard.

Aziraphale is leaving this shirt rack now that he's sorted. There he goes. Well, more in the sense that he steps away from it and then glances towards Crowley to silently ask if there's anything in this area that he was wanting to circle around to. ]

[The look on Crowley's face is likely a familiar one, for Aziraphale, because it's the look he gets when gosh, I love you is sitting on the tip of his tongue, all fond and amused and failing to hide even an inch of it. It's just that he very much adores Aziraphale's particular brand of haughty faux-ignorance, especially when it comes to reporting to Heaven.

There's also a joke about the Hundred Guineas Club on the tip of his tongue, but he decides that one might not be entirely safe to verbalize either. It's getting too close to talking about actual sex, and he doesn't want to have to know whether or not Aziraphale was sleeping with humans back then.

Instead, he tips his head in amused acquiescence to the correction.]

Oh, of course.

[As for shirts, he just shrugs in response to the unasked question, and starts wandering towards another rack of clothing.]

Now that I have to do this nonsense the hard way, I can see why you've stuck with the same thing for a few decades.

[ A direct hit. One of his favorite familiar faces to get, and almost always over something ridiculous or unintentional.

It's always nice to see Crowley look warm. What is Aziraphale without the occasional bashful gay glance away from such an expression. ]

I stay with it because I like it. I find things that I like and I keep them. It's what I do.

[ There's keep in the very literal hoarding sense and keep in the care-and-keeping "I was created to a) love and b) stand as guardian of something with a holy sword" sense, and they both cover pretty much every relevant matter. Earth, humans, books, souvenirs, resident demons, vintage coats. Like a weird posh bird who made an unconventional nest where it could sit on its little eggs.

He's having a nice time today, so he's not going to bother to examine his practical success rate. ]

It does save trouble the longer you're at it, though. Frees up attention you can put elsewhere.

[ Into nerd shit. ]

[Part of him wants to ask like me? but it's far, far too bold and he's not sure that he wants the answer anyway. There's still so much uncertainty about what's going to happen, back home, and he doesn't want to ruin what little time they'll have here by wanting too much.]

Well, that certainly explains the bookshop.

[/sarcasm

The bookshop does not need explaining, he's understood the bookshop since Aziraphale told him that he wanted to open up a bookshop. The only mystery was why he didn't do it sooner.

He also probably doesn't actually need more free attention to put anywhere, considering..... everything about himself, but he won't admit that out loud. He wrinkles his nose, instead, and picks up the first black shirt he sees, only to discover it has a stupid graphic on it.]

They've got to have henleys somewhere here, think I'll stick with those.

[Branching out cancelled, he's suffering decision fatigue and they've been here for less than half an hour.]

[ Petty side-glance: unlocked. If he's not acceptable bickering levels of cranky at Crowley being sarcastic, he'll have to be sad about the bookshop. One of these options is clearly preferable.

And this is exactly what he means about modern fashion. All this screen-printing. For every cute little bow tie or novelty sock there's a shirt that makes no sense. ]

They're bound to turn up. Things seem as modern here as they did in London. [ The generic way to put it. ] Why don't I ask an employee to point us? They must have the 'lay of the land'.

[ Purely rhetorical, he's already striding off towards one of them. Things Aziraphale enjoys: compartmentalizing reality to cope and methodical little play-human tasks. He was weirdly born to wander around an alternate universe Sears asking questions. ]

You never know with America.

[He almost regrets not spending more time there, since maybe he'd have a better idea of how things work compared to England, but then he would have had to spend time in America, so it likely wouldn't be worth it.

As for fetching an employee, Crowley groans at Aziraphale's departure, muttering something about how unnecessary that is, but he still shoves his hands into his pockets and dutifully follows after him.]

Don't forget you can't get 'em to answer questions with a snap of your fingers.

[Which is to say - don't forget if they fuck up pretending to be human, they can't miracle it away like they're usually able to.]

[ It would be rude to say most things that are true about America. But no one has to know if he's thinking some of them or how it turned out very fitting that Gabriel went with that choice of presentation.

Not his business, surely.

Crowley gets a tut. ]

My dear, it's a couple of practical questions, not an interrogation. [ Is that the state of store interactions these days? Going by the number of criminals trying to run an insurance racket on him in the past few decades alone, yes. ] Ah! Excuse me. Hello.

[ "...hello."

People who look appropriately confused to be approached by their whole Aesthetic mix: Katherine in Menswear, who was re-folding t-shirts. No one has ever been more valid than Katherine.

What can I help you with?" ]

Yes, we were wondering if you could point us towards the henleys. [ Aziraphale has used his power of being able to make any word sound like he's never in his life either heard of it or needed to use it before. The power of not knowing how not to be weird. ] He's quite certain of what he wants already, but we're not used to the layout. I'm sure you understand.

[ Call your crush particular without calling them particular just to be petty about them telling you to remember you can't magically alter perceptions if you fuck up. He throws a quick glance back Crowley's way. ]

Actually, was there anything else while we're at it?

[ This, at least, is less to be petty and more for the sake of asking. ]

[Every day Crowley discovers that despite his several millennia on Earth, there are still new things for him to experience. Right now, it's the mortifying ordeal of someone talking to a retail worker about him, as if he couldn't just ask for himself.

(He wouldn't have, he would've just wandered around until he found what he was after.)]

Angel — [It's a bitten off attempt to stop him, both because he realizes it's futile, and because he's become suddenly aware of what it sounds like when he addresses Aziraphale as angel.

It's not that he hadn't know before, but it's so ingrained that he sometimes forgets how humans use the word.

@ Katherine in Menswear: help.

He wrinkles his nose at Aziraphale, for both the pettiness and putting him on the spot, but he decides to be at least a tiny bit mature and actually answer.]

I'm gonna need t'find jeans at some point, I suppose.

[He'd prefer to pop over to the women's section for that, but wearing men's jeans for now won't kill him.]

[ What is Aziraphale for if not to invite Crowley, however roundaboutly, to share in new experiences? What is Aziraphale for, if not to eventually inform waiters that Crowley asked for no pickles and will not like his beverage if the cup has that much ice in it?

Anyway, he does nothing to make this new experience less mortifying. The general consensus is that Aziraphale is now the most embarrassing person in this department. ]

Ah. Yes. Suppose those are important. [ Wait. ] Are you going to start wearing blue jeans?

[ What does this have to do with literally anything right now. Nothing. He's not even offended, he's just mystified by the concept.

Katherine cannot pull Crowley out of the mortifying social trenches because they are both down here, comrades in arms. But she can jump in front of a metaphorical bullet for him by cutting in before he has to answer.

(It's at least 70% because she's worried this is headed to 'one of them is willing to publicly talk about his husband's butt and the road is paved in denim' territory. Unacceptable.)

"Why don't I get you guys to the jeans to start? Then I can, uhh. Circle back about those henleys when I find them." People who are not usually deep in the paint in Menswear? Her. Things she adds very specifically for Crowley: "They have skinny fit?" ]

-- that would be very helpful, thank you. [ Aziraphale's dumb ass still finally realizing the ramifications of wardrobe flexibility. ]

[The look that Crowley gives Aziraphale at the question probably answers it without the need for words, considering he appears both insulted and horrified by the sheer prospect.

Friendship ended with Aziraphale, now Katherine is his new best friend.

More accurately, no one is his best friend because he's decided to be cranky about the fact she decided to point out the skinny fit clothing. He's aware he's skinny and also knows how clothes work, thank you very much.

Acting like a sullen teen about clothes shopping is something that can be so personal.]

Lead the way, then, love.

[The love is directed at Katherine and is a tiny bit condescending, though it's probably softened by the accent. Americans are weird about accents.]

Edited 2022-02-21 18:48 (UTC)

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