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[A flat wrapped package arrives at Crowley's door. Inside is a calendar made from Sarissa's drawing on the network, and on the months beneath are little circles on random days with Cullen's cramped handwriting: Inter-dimensional Coffee Day (fancy word, right?), Drink Two Shots of Whiskey Day, Run from a Cat Day, Pet a Dog Day (Blade is available), Stay in Bed until Noon Day, Stay Up Past Midnight Day (Night?), Call a Friend Day, BEACH PARTY DAY (Bet you thought I forgot), Sit in the Sun Day, Kick a Tree Day, Play a Trick Day, and Come Up with your Own Day Day. (Lazy to leave it all up to me.)

The note accompanying the calendar reads, "This is not for Christmas. It's for Satinalia.

Regards,
Cullen"]

[It's strange enough to be given gifts in general, but the fact that this is personalized, that Cullen clearly went to some effort beyond just picking something out at a store is — something.]

I'd have paid real money to see the look on the face of whoever had that calendar made up for you

What's the proper greeting for the celebration? Happy Satinalia? Io Satinalia?

She was very bemused. I'm not sure she knew what to make of it, and of course I offered no explanation.

Usually, we just say, 'Happy Feastday.' Satinalia is the more formal name. I think you'd like the celebration. Prank gifts are also common. It's taken in good fun.

Not sure there's any explanation that'd make it less weird

Sounds a bit like Saturnalia, an old Roman festival, it was always a lot of fun so I'd probably not mind yours.

Happy Feastday, then, would you like your gift now?

[Because of course he got Cullen something, and he's willing to just miracle it to wherever the man is.]

Likely not. I was content to leave it a mystery.

There's another of those odd parallels I keep stumbling across. Someone else from Earth told me of a drink called wassail. We have the drink. We just don't call it that.

Thank you. You don't have to, you know. But if you have one for me, yes. I admit I'm curious to see it.

If the basics of the world are the same, makes sense that stuff pops up. You've got apples, you've got winter, wassails just a natural step.

Look behind you. One's for you, one's for Blade, if you can't work out which is which I'm taking them back.

[Crowley isn't inclined to wrap presents, so the two boxes are just floating behind Cullen (he's a show off, sometimes), one with a fitness tracker in the form of a watch, the other in the form of a collar.]

[There's a pause in his response time while he does just that. He briefly considers switching to video with him in the collar just to be a bastard, but the little wrist contraption has arrested his attention.]

This is interesting. It really keeps track of all of this?

[He's not sure he wants his sleep tracked. That's just depressing, but the rest of it? Could be useful.]

I've been a little worried about losing condition here. Thank you. I believe this will help.

[Probably a safe bet when Crowley knows how to take screenshots and would absolutely be willing to use a photo of Cullen in a collar as blackmail.]

You think I'd buy you something that doesn't work?

You're welcome, I'd have hated for you to get soft

[As if he has any investment in Cullen's fitness. He does not, he's just being stupid.]

It's just very fancy. Fancier than this phone almost. I'll have to start figuring it out right away.

[He actually likes reading the instructions. Nerd.]

Right. Then you should come running with me sometime. All the more incentive for me to stay in condition.

[No, he doesn't think for an instant he'll take him up on that.]

I've no doubt you'll figure it out

[That's true, really. With how quickly Cullen has become acclimatized to other technology, Crowley hadn't really worried about whether he'd struggle with the tracker.]

Here's a deal, I'll come running with you if you'll do an hour of yoga with me

[Crowley doesn't do yoga, so this is mostly just a bluff, but one that'll be worth it if Cullen calls it, because he's far more flexible than any human could ever hope to be.]

You know you'll never hear the end of my VOX, resting heart rate, and step count now.

[Yes, he's essentially reading from the list. He has no idea what that first thing is or the significance of the second.]

Tell me what Yoga is first. I don't want to commit to some sort of thing the human body can't do.

I'll just tune you out, I already do that half the time

[rude]

It's a kind of exercise, involves a lot of stretching and good balance. Humans invented it, though, so it's plenty possible for humans to do

Piker.

I stretch all the time. You're on. An hour of Yoga for an hour of running.

[Well, this is about on brand for Crowley's great ideas coming back to bite him.]

Sure, alright. Sometime in the New Year, then? I'm on self-imposed house arrest until this latest bullshit passes

[He is still!! stupidly horny on main!! and he hates it!!]

Yes, that would be fine with me.

[He's not fully himself, either, and even though so far they've been lucky with what has hit them together, why tempt fate?]

Enjoy your Satinalia, Rutherford. See you next year

For Yoga and running. I shan't forget.

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