demonicmiracle | (longest night) ic inbox

How on Earth did you manage to wander off just in time to miss being in a very interesting trap? Or have you wound up in a different one? If so, stop looking at your mobile phone and solve the puzzle. Quickly, please. It would be very difficult to speak to you after you've experienced molecular liquefaction. Your mood alone would be atrocious. Thank you. This is Aziraphale.

[ What's he even been worried about the past few years? It turns out instant text messaging is just like, super easy and he's very good at it actually? He doesn't even need to know what emojis are! Not that there's literally anyone else he'd text message in the first place. ]

[Please hold, he has to stare at his watch for a few moments in shock at the fact he received a text. From Aziraphale. A text.]

Do I look like I wind up in traps?

[Rude.]

I've been making friends, angel, only they're not quite as happy about it as I am.

[This is code for: I bit a bunch of shitty humans, don't worry about it.]

Hold on, who's experiencing molecular liquefaction? Do not tell me that's where you disappeared to, I'll be so cross.

Dastardly traps don't pick and choose, Crowley. That's why they're so dastardly. Ah. So a good night for scotch. Carry on.

[ Get that taste out of Crowley's mouth with something good and strong. He's earned it. Aziraphale likes pretending that he doesn't have a tangible wandering-off history, in the way that he likes pretending he didn't go to the trouble of texting because he was worried.

Well. And because he's having a little strop that he got a good grade in puzzle and the only person whose opinion of him matters didn't get to see it. This place truly is a den of evil... for that reason and no other reasons at all. ]

I'm with Loki and Apollo, and I'll have you know my molecules are all in tip-top condition. We even freed a Myth. I think you would have liked her. Inorganic humanoid. Absolutely lovely.

And yet here I stand, not having been trapped in a dastardly trap.

[Of course Aziraphale understands. It would be almost worrying if he didn't, and Crowley wishes he knew how to show appreciation for that.]

Were they any help at all, or did you have to sort out the whole mess for them?

[Talking shit about other 'Gods' is always fun, but more importantly, this is how he's choosing to communicate that he thinks Aziraphale is soooo clever and talented and obviously got them all out of the trap.]

Oh, that is a bit of a disappointment. You'll have to tell me about her over that scotch.

Luck of the draw. Good luck, in this case. Freedom of movement suits you. Oh, I think we all contributed. But! [ But! Exactly! Thank you for the validating implication he craves! ] I was the one who uncovered the missing pieces we needed. I'll tell you all about that later, too. So do try not to make other plans.

I'd hardly call it luck. It's the wiles that are doing the heavy lifting.

[He's soooo wiley. No trap could ever keep him.]

Obviously. They're lucky you were there to keep them from experiencing molecular liquefaction.

I'll keep myself hale and whole so as not to interfere with you telling me all about how clever you are.

You do have a singular way with wiling.

[ Crowley seems to have been alright so far, which is the most important thing, and he gets to brag to him later, which is second most important. ]

This is all I ask of you. As the human expression goes, "it's a date."

[ bitch....... stop flirting this is NOT the time ]

[A compliment and Aziraphale using the phrase 'it's a date'???? How is supposed to cope with that.

He knows that he's only joking, making fun of a silly human term rather than actually meaning it, but he probably does get shot by some random guard while he was reading that text. It's fine, he can heal it and disappear the blood.]

I'll break out the good scotch, then, shall I?

We can revisit the implication that sometimes you don't.

[Whoops.]

Well, I'd best handle these guards who just rounded the corner.

Good luck, angel, don't do anything dangerous.

[Hard to tell if he's lying, via text. It's fine. He's not gonna get smote. Probably.]

Edited 2024-04-07 19:58 (UTC)

(longest night) ic inbox

mission timelines are fake have an idiot text

i am eating it for power

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