demonicmiracle | (noctium) ic inbox

Not much for sweets.

[Or eating in general, honestly, but he's gotten halfway decent at various kinds of bread, and isn't terrible with pastries. There's just been little reason to try his hand at cake, outside of Aziraphale, who's done his own experimenting with baking anyway.

And yes, theoretically, he could miracle up perfect decorations, but Aziraphale knows that he prefers to stick to the human way of things. Mostly.]

Don't think there's much that could make you mad right now, hm?

[Faintly teasing, as the kettle clicks and he crosses to start prepping the tea.]

S'a jasmine tea alright?

[ No, he's going to be riding this high for the rest of his natural existence. And then some, probably. ]

That'll be great.

[ Weirdly, despite all these niceties, Hua Cheng doesn't really need to eat either, and only really does so because it makes other people comfortable. ]

How long did you say you've known your husband?

[ He'd just like to hear the story. He's in such a good mood he thinks it's even cuter than he usually does. ]

[Crowley sets about fussing with the tea, which is only really fussing because Aziraphale has drilled it into him that it needs to be prepared properly.]

Six thousand years, give or take. We were both there when Earth was shiny and new, I sort of ruined his day, but humans probably wouldn't have sorted out wine or cake otherwise, so he's forgiven me for it.

[The idea of Aziraphale living in Heaven rather than on Earth is a) bad and b) really bad.]

Oh.

[ He might have also met Xie Lian by ruining his day, so he understands. ]

Has your Earth really only been around six thousand years?

Where were you before that?

[ He sort of assumes somehow that Crowley and Aziraphale didn't just show up one day as fully-formed adults. For some reason. ]

Mm, not as long as the humans think.

[Sorry, evolutionary theory and carbon dating and all that business, it simply does not vibe with God.]

Heaven came first, which is where Aziraphale was and it sort of existed before time did? S'complicated. [Being time, and Heaven, and not existing in any physical manner.] Then Hell came about, which is where I was, 'cause of the being cast out of Heaven business. Wasn't very exciting, really.

[Said with the awareness that it was, in fact, very exciting, but he doesn't want to talk about it in too much detail.]

If we knew each other before those first days on Earth, I don't remember it, and he'd not remember me.

[He would have looked different, sounded different, had a different name. All things that God took from him.]

Oh.

[ He can't imagine forgetting Dianxia after he died - it'd hurt him just to think about. He was such an integral part of his life and his afterlife. But he's sure if he'd forgotten and met him afterwards, he'd have fallen in love all over again. ]

Heaven's pretty overrated anyway.

[ Is he saying that to commiserate? He does actually mean it - he hated that place full of gods trying to step over each other in pursuit of glory. Lots of holier-than-thou pretentious assholes, Crowley probably gets it. ]

No idea why all the gods prefer it there. Earth's a lot more fun, anyway.

[ And Hua Cheng's hell is kind of great, but only because he did a lot of the redecorating himself. ]

[It doesn't strike him as pity, at least, which means he can tolerate it.]

Can't speak for your gods, but the angels back home are all sort of brainwashed. I'd call Heaven a cult if it wouldn't get me in trouble with my husband.

[Aziraphale wouldn't actually be cross with him about it, but he'd probably have a bunch of complicated feelings and Crowley prefers to avoid pressing the 'heaven' trigger button. It's never been a comfortable topic for the two of them to discuss.]

No, we're agreed there.

[ But uh, don't tell his husband either because there's many secrets he's keeping about Heaven at the moment. ]

On both accounts. Seems like maybe your husband and my beloved might get along.

[ Leaving these two reedy lads in opposite coloration of red and black to stand at the proverbial snack table. But he likes Crowley. ]

Maybe we should introduce them, sometime.

Maybe we ought to. People can find Aziraphale a bit odd, fair warning.

[Not that it's a bad thing, being odd. People tend to find him odd, too, although when he actually wants to, he's considerably better at playing human than the angel is, on account of being a lot more paranoid.]

How's your beloved feel about books?

[Seems silly using that term, but also he's terrible at remembering names.]

Oh, he prefers to collect swords but I imagine his library was once full of them.

And it's alright. People generally find me odd.

[ And ... look, Crowley isn't that normal himself. He's the serpent of Eden. It'll be ok. ]

Eh, swords aren't the worst topic of conversation.

[Aziraphale's more of a soldier than he is, though he's tried to put that behind him. He imagines he could likely hold a conversation about it.]

Y'don't seem that odd. I've met odder, trust me.

[glances @ shadwell]

No, I don't think so either. But most humans and gods disagree.

[ But... ]

You don't eat. What do you do?

Well, you know what they say about humans...

[What do they say about humans, exactly? He doesn't know, but it amuses him to say it.]

Oh, I photosynthesize, like a plant. [He grins, hopefully making it obvious that he's joking.] D'you mean what do I do for energy? Or are you asking about my hobbies?

[ Honestly whenever Hua Cheng pulls this face to act like he's joking, he's not joking, and he assumes Crowley is actually able to photosynthesize. ]

What do you like to do, besides watching your husband eat?

[ He smiles because don't worry Crowley he likes to do that too, this is also a hobby of his. ]

[To be fair, he likely could in theory, it would just be unnecessary.

Also: don't call him out like that, even if it's valid.]

I've a garden, and I cook a bit. Sleep, bask in the sun, watch TV. Been thinking I ought to pick up another hobby or two.

[His social life in Duplicity was much busier than it is, here, in part because he'd built those connections before Aziraphale appeared and wasn't inclined to just drop them once he did.

He's had less reason to make friends, here, so he needs something else to occupy his time.]

[ Sorry Crowley, he's absolutely gonna call you out on how much you love Aziraphale. It's cute. It gives him lots of hope. He's just so happy. ]

Furniture making?

Flower arranging?

[ He has a lot of random hobbies, and maybe he and Crowley can pick up some old-man hobbies. ]

Oh, carpentry is right out.

[He can just imagine Aziraphale's face, and also would take like 6d20 psychic damage from trying to think how God would feel about the concept. Terrible. Bad. Cursed.]

I did have a go at sculpting, not sure how I felt about it, honestly. Demons aren't really meant to create, like that.

[Which doesn't necessarily mean he can't, it's just weird and complicated.]

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