demonicmiracle | (duplicity) ic contact

Kinky? How in the devil is it kinky?

Pru...the one decked out in snake skin that night? Seemed...nervous, so I kept my distance.

[If she's worried about Crowley's feelings, she can't be that bad.]

Suppose 'cause it's a bit extreme. Not much can hurt me, can it? But you could.

[So... the demonic equivalent of intense BDSM, even if they're not actually doing anything dangerous, just being vulnerable around Aziraphale is a risk.]

That's her, yeah. Angels hunt witches, where she's from, she's had a run in or two. I told her you'd not hurt her, but...

[He shrugs. Sometimes that isn't enough.]

[He bites back his, "But I wouldn't," because he already has. Twice. It doesn't matter that one of those times was an accident and the other was some other version of him. It was still him. The name proves that.]

Maybe in time. Or I can simply avoid her if she'd prefer. I don't wish to scare anyone.

Give it a bit of time, maybe? I'm quite fond of her, but you don't have to be friends with all my friends.

[Especially not with the witches or any other demonic-aligned people.

But now that they've got that out of the way, he decides to circle back to a previous thought.]

Since we're sort of on the topic, d'you want to know about people I've slept with? Or might sleep with, if it's not in my control?

She can set the pace or not as she chooses.

[He won't seek her out.

He frowns thoughtfully, not wanting to throw out an answer before he has time to think about it.]

If they mean something to you, on some deeper level, then yes. I want to know. If it's in the future...only if it's something that gets emotional. I don't want you feeling like you can't talk to me about things or like you have to hide being hurt or confused. Or drawn to someone.

If it's casual and doesn't have much impact, I don't need to know unless you wish to tell me.

Will you want to know? There hasn't been anyone else so far.

None of the others have meant anything. Couple of them weren't — great, but it was a while ago now. I'll do that, though, tell you in those cases.

[He appreciates the reassurance around being able to talk about it, even if he might never take Aziraphale up on the offer, it's nice to know it's there. And those things can always be discussed without naming names, if it comes to it.

As for his own feelings on the matter, he considers it in turn, though in truth he's already thought about it, so his response comes quickly enough.]

About the same for me, I'd like to know if it's more than just sex. Or if something happens you need to get off your chest, I'm here, too.

[He nods. It's somewhat troubling to think of anything being disturbing to him, yet realistically, he can't expect to shield him from such experiences or fix the past.

He smiles faintly and squeezes his hands, bringing them together between his.]

Thank you, Love.

[Like Crowley, he's not sure he would bring it to him if he was burdened or upset somehow. He appreciates knowing he could.]

It's hard to foresee anything becoming serious outside of us, but if it ever did, of course I'd be honest.

[Something soft and relieved crosses his face at that admission, a series of words that he didn't realize he needed to hear until he did.]

Mm, can't imagine I'd have ever — you know, if you were here.

[But he'd been alone, and he hadn't ever expected Aziraphale to turn up.]

I know that. You think I don't?

[He reaches to cup his cheek.]

You were here alone for months. You found someone kind. And if I know you as well as I think I do, someone you knew needed you to be kind to them.

I'm old, Crowley. Set in my ways. I like my solitude, and you and I can't live together here regardless. It works. That's what matters.

Doesn't hurt to say it.

[His eyes close almost on instinct as he leans into the touch, the last of the tension draining out of him.]

I've no idea what you're talking about. [His tone says otherwise, a hint of humor there. He's just playing at it because he's been vulnerable enough for this conversation and admitting that he's drawn to people who need kindness is a step too far.] We're both old, and anyway, don't think we'll seeing as much of each other. Martin's having some trouble with his boyfriend. [He opens his eyes just so Aziraphale can see him roll them.] Have I mentioned how glad I am I don't have to babysit you?

No, it doesn't.

[And it wasn't unwelcome to hear it, despite the fact he had no doubts about this. His expression says he knows Crowley is full of it. It's enough of a call out for him.

It's unfortunate about the relationship trouble. There's much about human relationships he doubts he'll ever understand. He's much more capable of speaking to the rest of that.]

I wouldn't be much of an angel if you did.

[There's always a moment where he feels that they've moved on from a serious discussion, and this is it for him. He adjusts slightly, listing to the side so he can rest his cheek against Aziraphale's thigh.]

Mm, you only need the occasional rescue.

Every couple of centuries or so. Very occasional.

[He combs his fingers through his hair and spreads it out over his thigh.]

From what you've said I won't be due another for a good long while. Although, you never know.

[He's back to coy. Privately, he's proud of both of them. They navigated treacherous water better than they usually do. Part of that has to come from not truly having a habitual place to retreat. He can create the illusion of the bookshop here. It isn't his bookshop. They aren't in London. Crowley can't swan off to France for a month or two of sulking.

And. As urgently as in the past eleven years, they still need each other now. To be on the same page. To understand what they're doing with all the rules changed. He is old. It's a hard adjustment. He doubts it's any easier for Crowley.

He continues the soft stroking while the thoughts drift.]

[Crowley makes a soft, pleased sound at that.]

Not planning to get in trouble just so I have to come save you, are you? I was right about that being a kink for you.

[If Aziraphale is going to be coy, Crowley will tease him in turn.

At least this dynamic is familiar, even if things are changed, even if he never would have been able to do this back home, lay his head in Aziraphale's lap and allow him to stroke his hair.

It's worth having to have all the difficult conversations.]

Not here, darling.

[A little softer. Here they can both be hurt, and he'd be a fool to forget it. No game is worth that risk, not when he now has the freedom just to invite him over.]

I'll have to find some suitable substitute for the thrill, won't I?

[Because he doesn't want to turn it right back dark and serious again.]

[That's a good point, but Crowley's also willing to not get into discussion about how dangerous that could actually be here. Instead, he blinks slowly, offering a smirk.]

Don't think I haven't noticed you like a bit of a thrill.

[The way he reached into him when they both had their wings out, the fact that he seems to like the occasional sharpness.]

[He leans forward a bit, the better to get direct eye contact.]

I haven't exactly tried to hide the fact. If you hadn't noticed, I'd fear I wasn't sufficiently holding your attention.

[Hoisted by his own petard.

But he's not giving in that easily. He traces his fingers lazily up and down his calf, drops his voice to a purr.]

Oh, sweetheart, you always have my full attention.

Good.

[He's not completely sure he's only playing at this. It's an odd feeling, something he'll have to dissect later when he's less distracted.]

In some of your song lyrics for the dancing, they expressed anger. Are you? Is there some part of you angry at me?

[It doesn't seem to be the expected "trying to sort things out" question. There's a different sort of energy here. Only potential energy at the moment while he's feeling things out.]

[The question surprises him, though he's sure that it makes perfect sense to Aziraphale, so he'll answer it with honesty.]

Not right now, but I've been angry at you a lot, in the past.

All those times you pushed me into a wall. I half wondered how much was show and how much of it was real, somewhere under there. Or if some of it wasn't an excuse to touch in an...acceptable way. Maybe a combination of all of the above.

I always wondered how you'd react if I rose to it, even though I wasn't supposed to.

[It's subtle, the change in his tone of voice. Dark for him is relative, but it's a dark(er) thread weaving through the more conversational notes.]

[Oh.

Crowley's mouth goes dry, his heart skittering in his chest, and he suddenly feels very vulnerable, kneeling the way he is. He thought Aziraphale was asking the question for a reason, that they were moving past the flirting, but apparently it was... part of it.]

Um. [Words. Come on, he knows words.] Probably — probably would've reacted well. Depending on your definition.

Or if I had just gone to my knees instead.

[He's fairly sure he's with him now, still stroking his hair gently.]

[Utterly ridiculous, he is, and he knows it. Just a few words and that gentle stroke of his hair has him exhaling shakily.]

Wouldn't have known what to do with that, I reckon. Probably would've panicked.

[A hint of a rueful smile. But it's the truth. He was so careful around Aziraphale, making sure never to cross the line, that if something like that had happened it might've rattled him.]

Then I'm glad I never did that. Wouldn't want to, oh, how do they put it? Freak you off.

[He widens his eyes momentarily to make the point.]

But you wouldn't panic now. If I went to my knees for you. If I told you it's OK if you are angry. If I told you I've never been afraid of it.

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