anthony crowley (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
demonicmiracle) wrote2019-09-22 04:47 pm
demonicmiracle) wrote2019-09-22 04:47 pm
Entry tags:
(duplicity) ic contact
Hey, it's Anthony Crowley. You know what to do, do it with style.
Hey, it's Anthony Crowley. You know what to do, do it with style.
[This isn't any kind of victory; Crowley might dislike Jon a lot, but he's never wanted to drive a wedge between these two, knowing that it would hurt Martin to come to these realizations.
He leans in, pressing his lips to Martin's brow, and in that instant they're back in his flat where they started.]
You're never a waste of time, love. [Even if it's for Jon.
He draws back, hoping to meet Martin's gaze, his head tilted to the side in question.] Tea, or wine? Or whiskey?
[He's not making his presence a question or an offer, he won't let it be something that Martin has to say yes to, because he knows he won't. He'll go, if he's told to, but until then he's going to help how he can.]
He leans in, pressing his lips to Martin's brow, and in that instant they're back in his flat where they started.]
You're never a waste of time, love. [Even if it's for Jon.
He draws back, hoping to meet Martin's gaze, his head tilted to the side in question.] Tea, or wine? Or whiskey?
[He's not making his presence a question or an offer, he won't let it be something that Martin has to say yes to, because he knows he won't. He'll go, if he's told to, but until then he's going to help how he can.]
[ he stands in his flat, glancing around himself helplessly, feeling lost. he should.. do something, probably. water his plants, or think about starting dinner. he could clean the bathroom, or do some laundry, or work on the institute's expenses. there are a lot of things he could do, he's sure. but he can't make sense of any of them, and when he tries to let himself focus on any of the mundane tasks of the day, his thoughts drift away from them.
he sort of just wants to go away. completely away. the thought's not a strong one, though, any more than any of the others are, so he glances up when crowley speaks and offers an unconvincing smile. ]
Whiskey would be.. good. [ and then, to caveat: ] You don't have to stay. I-- I'm probably just going to take a nap. [ or maybe he'll put a stupid movie on. something easy, something he doesn't have to think about. ]
he sort of just wants to go away. completely away. the thought's not a strong one, though, any more than any of the others are, so he glances up when crowley speaks and offers an unconvincing smile. ]
Whiskey would be.. good. [ and then, to caveat: ] You don't have to stay. I-- I'm probably just going to take a nap. [ or maybe he'll put a stupid movie on. something easy, something he doesn't have to think about. ]
[Rather than address it directly, the offer for him to leave, Crowley decides the best course of action is to just take a little more control of the situation.
That want is lingering at the edge of his awareness, and he's not much a fan of Martin having those thoughts.]
Go get a bath started, yeah? I'll scare up some whiskey.
[He needs a second to text Aziraphale just to let him know that he won't be around for at least the evening, maybe tomorrow morning depending how this plays out. But he doesn't want to pull out his phone while Martin is around, so he kisses his forehead and heads to the kitchen to get a glass.]
That want is lingering at the edge of his awareness, and he's not much a fan of Martin having those thoughts.]
Go get a bath started, yeah? I'll scare up some whiskey.
[He needs a second to text Aziraphale just to let him know that he won't be around for at least the evening, maybe tomorrow morning depending how this plays out. But he doesn't want to pull out his phone while Martin is around, so he kisses his forehead and heads to the kitchen to get a glass.]
[ he offers a small smile as thanks, grateful that crowley's staying even if the gratitude feels a little distant right now. maybe the other man's right. maybe he just needs a long bath and to get a little bit drunk. maybe he'll feel more like himself again afterward.
he turns to head toward the bathroom, stripping his clothes off once he gets there and starts the water. it's not.. terrible, is it? that jon was with dorian. jon has his own life, martin shouldn't be trying to control it. but he had asked him not to meet with him like that without talking about it first, like jon had asked martin not to.. give himself to people intending to hurt him.
is it the same thing? is it fair for martin to be upset with jon? his head hurts thinking about it, so he just.. doesn't, pushing it away again as he slides into the nearly scalding bath. ]
he turns to head toward the bathroom, stripping his clothes off once he gets there and starts the water. it's not.. terrible, is it? that jon was with dorian. jon has his own life, martin shouldn't be trying to control it. but he had asked him not to meet with him like that without talking about it first, like jon had asked martin not to.. give himself to people intending to hurt him.
is it the same thing? is it fair for martin to be upset with jon? his head hurts thinking about it, so he just.. doesn't, pushing it away again as he slides into the nearly scalding bath. ]
[He ends up summoning one of the bottles of whiskey from his own apartment, making a highball because he highly doubts that Martin is going to enjoy drinking it straight.
When he finds Martin in the bathroom, there's a glass in his hand and he's shed his jacket, sunglasses and boots and socks, making himself look a bit softer.]
Made you a whiskey highball, it's a strong one. [He stops at the back of the sunken tub, crouching down by Martin's shoulder, and holding out the glass.] Want some company in there or nah?
When he finds Martin in the bathroom, there's a glass in his hand and he's shed his jacket, sunglasses and boots and socks, making himself look a bit softer.]
Made you a whiskey highball, it's a strong one. [He stops at the back of the sunken tub, crouching down by Martin's shoulder, and holding out the glass.] Want some company in there or nah?
[ his curls are damp, and the water smells like lavender from the little bath bomb he'd dropped into it. he tips his head back as crowley joins him, smile just a little stronger than it was before, and lifts his arm from the bath to take the glass.
the question makes him pause to consider it, trying to give it due thought. but honestly, even at his worst, he doesn't mind being touched by crowley, and this isn't.. what happened with jon. so finally he nods, sliding forward in the bath to give crowley room. ]
.. Thank you. For.. everything you do for me. [ he takes a careful sip of the drink, grateful for the burn of the alcohol, hopeful it will help him relax. ] This is good.
the question makes him pause to consider it, trying to give it due thought. but honestly, even at his worst, he doesn't mind being touched by crowley, and this isn't.. what happened with jon. so finally he nods, sliding forward in the bath to give crowley room. ]
.. Thank you. For.. everything you do for me. [ he takes a careful sip of the drink, grateful for the burn of the alcohol, hopeful it will help him relax. ] This is good.
Edited 2020-03-15 01:41 (UTC)
[By the time he slides into the bath, his clothes have disappeared without him having taken off a single item, his hair pulled up into a bun on top of his head so it doesn't get wet. He tucks himself behind Martin, arms loose around his chest.
He swallows down the instinct to balk at the thanks, knowing it isn't helpful right now.]
S'alright, I don't mind doing it, and you've done plenty for me.
[Almost exactly this, even.]
He swallows down the instinct to balk at the thanks, knowing it isn't helpful right now.]
S'alright, I don't mind doing it, and you've done plenty for me.
[Almost exactly this, even.]
[ when crowley settles, martin eases back into him, leaning his head against his shoulder and resting the glass on the side of the tub. he.. has done something a little like this for crowley before, hasn't he? he hadn't forgotten, it was just.. so easy to support him, to be there for him, and somehow, he always thinks it's so much harder for people to do the same for him.
but it's like crowley's told him, isn't it? he wouldn't be here if he didn't want to be.
he nods slightly against the other man's shoulder eventually, his other hand slipping from the water to curl over one of crowley's, thumb stroking his knuckles. ] Still, I-- It's just.. really nice to have you here.
but it's like crowley's told him, isn't it? he wouldn't be here if he didn't want to be.
he nods slightly against the other man's shoulder eventually, his other hand slipping from the water to curl over one of crowley's, thumb stroking his knuckles. ] Still, I-- It's just.. really nice to have you here.
Mm, well, I'll be here as long as you need.
[If that turns out to be a few days, he can make it work. Aziraphale won't mind if he needs to prioritize Martin for a little while, and Crowley would rather not leave him alone if he's feeling fragile.]
Want to talk about it, or would you prefer a distraction?
[If that turns out to be a few days, he can make it work. Aziraphale won't mind if he needs to prioritize Martin for a little while, and Crowley would rather not leave him alone if he's feeling fragile.]
Want to talk about it, or would you prefer a distraction?
text; un: eastwatch; a couple of days after the proposal
afraidtofall
2020-03-16 12:57 am (UTC)(link)
Are you busy?
I'd like to talk about the other night, and I think we should keep it to text. It's easier for me to gather my thoughts this way.
[And harder to fly off the handle.]
[And harder to fly off the handle.]
[There's a cold wash of dread, but... it was fine, right? They ended the night on a good note, so it's probably fine.]
Sure, angel. What did you want to talk about, specifically?
Sure, angel. What did you want to talk about, specifically?
Our Arrangement back home worked as well as it did because we had some ground rules about mutual expectations. It didn't hurt that we had the respective home offices looking over our shoulders.
We have never done as well in personal disputes because our emotions get in the way, and because we don't have any mutually agreed upon expectations.
I don't want to repeat how we hurt one another. I feel like if we can come to an agreement about how to fight, it will help. Does this sound fair to you?
We have never done as well in personal disputes because our emotions get in the way, and because we don't have any mutually agreed upon expectations.
I don't want to repeat how we hurt one another. I feel like if we can come to an agreement about how to fight, it will help. Does this sound fair to you?
[Okay, it's not a "you're awful and I don't want to see you anymore" text, so that's a good start.
The whole point of personal disputes is that emotions get in the way, he's pretty sure, but he can understand the expectations part.]
Laying down some ground rules, yeah? Sounds reasonable.
I take it you've got some in mind, you'd not have brought it up otherwise
The whole point of personal disputes is that emotions get in the way, he's pretty sure, but he can understand the expectations part.]
Laying down some ground rules, yeah? Sounds reasonable.
I take it you've got some in mind, you'd not have brought it up otherwise
[This part is harder. He can feel his heartbeat speeding already. All the better reason to type it out. Crowley can't see he's anxious and feed off of it in a spiral, or vice versa.]
I do. The first one is that we don't intentionally use things against one another that we know are insecurities or vulnerabilities.
Accidents can happen. I'm sure we'll trip up sometimes. As long as it's not a deliberately chosen barb, that's easily forgivable.
[If he can't agree to this one, then this is going to be a very difficult conversation to have.]
I do. The first one is that we don't intentionally use things against one another that we know are insecurities or vulnerabilities.
Accidents can happen. I'm sure we'll trip up sometimes. As long as it's not a deliberately chosen barb, that's easily forgivable.
[If he can't agree to this one, then this is going to be a very difficult conversation to have.]
[He immediately understands why Aziraphale chose to do this over text, because the little spark of anger that flares up is unpleasant at best and unproductive at worst.
He swallows it down after a second.]
Probably a good idea. Question is what happens if we break these rules?
Keeping a level head during arguments isn't much my strong point
[They both know each other too well that it's easy to dig into weak points, and Crowley isn't great at keeping a handle on his anger.]
He swallows it down after a second.]
Probably a good idea. Question is what happens if we break these rules?
Keeping a level head during arguments isn't much my strong point
[They both know each other too well that it's easy to dig into weak points, and Crowley isn't great at keeping a handle on his anger.]
If things get heated, whoever needs space can take it, with the understanding it's to cool off. Whoever leaves ought to contact the one left behind within two hours, either to say he is ready to continue the discussion or that he needs more time.
That way it doesn't feel like abandonment, and there is a clear time expectation. No one is left hanging.
I imagine both of us may break some of these rules at first while we're learning to adjust. Consequences ought to be simple and straightforward. If the rules are broken, the fight stops. Right then. Until the one who lost his temper can rein it in and try again.
That way it doesn't feel like abandonment, and there is a clear time expectation. No one is left hanging.
I imagine both of us may break some of these rules at first while we're learning to adjust. Consequences ought to be simple and straightforward. If the rules are broken, the fight stops. Right then. Until the one who lost his temper can rein it in and try again.
[It's all very... sterile, which doesn't feel much like a fight at all, but he understands where Aziraphale is coming from and why he thinks this is necessary.
Things can get awful between them, even if they don't have the luxury here of avoiding each other for several decades.]
Alright, sure. Two hours and no getting cruel with each other. Was there anything else?
Things can get awful between them, even if they don't have the luxury here of avoiding each other for several decades.]
Alright, sure. Two hours and no getting cruel with each other. Was there anything else?
[A first test, he supposes, of trust and whether he can be vulnerable with him when they're not distracted by physical intimacy. But no. Before that, he ought to ask him what he wants, or it's too much an edict from on high and defeats the purpose of making rules.]
Is there anything you want to propse?
Is there anything you want to propse?
I don't know. Not lying to each other, even if the truth's not great? Not sure how enforceable that sort of thing is
[He's thinking of the way Aziraphale shuts down and shuts him out, but he won't say that specifically.]
[He's thinking of the way Aziraphale shuts down and shuts him out, but he won't say that specifically.]
We'd have to agree on the definition of a lie. Do you think we can do that?
[It's a very serious question. The way he sees dishonesty and the way Crowley does are two very different things.]
[It's a very serious question. The way he sees dishonesty and the way Crowley does are two very different things.]
Fair point
How about no saying we're fine when we're not, that's probably an alright start
How about no saying we're fine when we're not, that's probably an alright start
It is, with the caveat that, "I don't know," can be a fair answer. It's not always easy to identify a feeling right away.
'Course. I barely know what's going on in my head anyway
[Sort of a joke?]
[Sort of a joke?]
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