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We talking about your social life or sex life?

[He's the worst, this is why he doesn't have any friends. But it's well-meant teasing, rather than anything actually unkind.]

Think you can keep 'em in a coop, they don't need as much room as chickens, and they're a hell of a lot quieter.

Shut up.

[ Either. Both. Ray glares over the rim of his coffee cup, then reaches to add a little more sugar to it. ]

I've never even heard of quail farming, but it sure sounds a Helluva lot more glamorous than bringin' up chickens, anyway... having chickens but no farm is pretty textbook white trash where I come from.

[ He wrinkles his nose uncomfortably. ]

Guess we'll see what happens, but I'm still hopin' it won't come to all that.

Edited 2020-12-26 17:38 (UTC)

[Crowley wrinkles his nose at him playfully, knowing that he's hit his mark but not feeling particularly like rubbing salt in the wound.]

The Egyptians used to have loads of quail farms, the damn things had their own hieroglyph and everything.

[Random historical facts with Crowley. His knowledge is very hodge podge, because there's a lot shoved in there, but sometimes things are vaguely relevant or useful.]

Well, they've gone from trying to kill us to brainwashing us. Not sure which is worse, really.

Oh, well if the Egyptians did it...

[ Ray rolls his eyes melodramatically, though with a bit of a smirk. He hates to imagine their lives here will be reduced to actual farming, but if they are... well, he does know what to do at least, mostly, even if he hates to do it. ]

Hard to say. I am pretty used to things tryin' to kill me by now, although that doesn't mean I enjoy it, but the brainwashing wasn't even all that bad either, except for, well... [ He cocks his head meaningfully. ] And I don't think that was even the worst part.

[ If he remembers correctly trying to flirt with Archer. Ray shudders mildly, hand at his heart. ]

I don't know. Maybe it was just a fluke?

[People wanting Crowley dead also isn't particularly interesting; he figures most of the Dukes would have his guts for garters the second he steps out of line, although it's usually humans that are actively trying to kill him.

Hasn't happened for a while, at least.

Really do not want to know what the worst part was.

[There are so many things it could be. His first thought was that he tried something with Ellie, but Ray likely wouldn't be alive, had that been the case.]

Seems unlikely it was a fluke, m'not dismissing anything that happens here as a coincidence. [A beat, as something occurs to him.] Speaking of, did you get a Christmas present from some mysterious source?

Well, nothing actually happened, but-- if Archer says anything to you, just remember that I didn't choose this.

[ As mortifying as it is to admit out loud -- or even just imply -- Ray would rather be the one in control of that story rather than, well, Archer, if he even noticed. Plus nothing did happen, nor would it have, and does it even count if he was brainwashed?

God, Ray hopes not. He rubs at his temple again, glad for the change of subject, however small it is. ]

Y'know I almost forgot about that? but actually, I did. Some useless little toy gun. What'd you get?

Oh, I never believe a word that man says regardless of whether you'd been brainwashed.

[Which means that Ray could safely tell whatever lie he wants to Crowley and he'll take his word over Archer's. So that's probably a fun thing to know.]

A toy car. Hang on, it's brilliant. [He's laughing as he gets to his feet, ducking out of the room briefly and coming back with a model kit car that's been carefully put together. He sets it on the table before sitting back down.] Avery asked Santa for my Bentley, the bastard, and this is what turned up.

[Complicated feelings aside, about the fact that Aziraphale was sweet enough to ask for Crowley's car, he actually had fun putting together the kit. And it gave him a thought or two about what's happening in the town.]

I think — I think there's more than one force at work, here. And I reckon one of them might be a child.

Good. Then let's just leave it at that.

[ Very, very good to know, though. Ray will absolutely abuse this privilege, probably, although some other time.

He waits, eyebrow raised in curiosity, for Crowley to return, a cigarette finding its way between his teeth even in that brief time he's left alone. Ray finishes lighting up before he picks up the toy car to inspect it, unsure how to react to this information. ]

Yeah, I did ask for my pistols, come to think of it... [ He'd been brainwashed when he opened the present, so no opporunity to get mad about it, at least. ] Y'know, I met this man by the pond who thinks we might be in a parallel universe? Or somethin' like that, anyway. Which sounds a little crazy now, but he did seem so sure of himself...

[ Though Ray had also kind of just been smiling and nodding because Bruce Wayne is "no thoughts head empty" kind of hot. ]

[If Aziraphale gets cross at him for the house smelling like smoke, he's absolutely tossing Ray under the bus.]

I'd call it more of a pocket universe, 'cause I doubt there's much outside this town. [There's a little gesture to go with 'pocket universe', his hands outlining an invisible ball.] But, uh, yeah. We're not all from the same place.

[If nothing else, Ellie proves that.]

[ Ray's nose wrinkles again, the whole concept just a bit much for him, although honestly, not too badly. The amount of impossible-seeming sci-fi shit he's seen in his life already makes it hard to discount even the most "out there" theories. ]

Sure, but then if that's true, nothing here might work the way we think it should-- Hell, even the damn brainwashing might just be some kinda side effect for all we know. [ He sighs, taking a drag from his cigarette. ] Though that still wouldn't explain why I'm stuck here in the shape I'm in, so I dunno... could we have also time traveled?

[Crowley weighs up saying more about shapes and the way things should work, but after a few restless taps of his fingers against his mug, decides against it.]

Suppose so, but time is... difficult. You can hold it, for a bit, if you're clever, but moving through it, changing it... [He shrugs, not quite realising that talking about holding time is as weird as admitting he should have a big pair of wings.] Whatever's dragged us here has a lot of power, but even that might be beyond 'em.

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