[ it's all so tangled up, and martin's so tired. not that long ago, things had looked so hopeful: they were going to try to make some kind of life here together, they were going to figure things out. but is it always going to be like this, no matter how little or how much time they have here? is jon always going to give in? is he always going to forget to talk to martin, to not think about scaring him and hurting him until it's already done?
but he'd gone into the lonely for him. jon told him about it, about how he'd followed martin in, pulled him back out, freed him. he loves martin, and he's maybe the only person who ever has or ever will.
the thought of it feels a lot like despair, actually.
in the room at his back, he can feel the pull of the watcher, the archivist's power to compel. he can very nearly see the scene-- dorian smug and enraptured, jon's hungry, heavy stare. martin never should have come here; it was always going to end this way. ]
.. I'm going to go home, [ he says at last, feeling emptied even of tears. ] I'm-- I'm sorry for wasting your time, Crowley. [ crowley hadn't signed up for this, and he definitely deserves more from martin than he's had lately. ]
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but he'd gone into the lonely for him. jon told him about it, about how he'd followed martin in, pulled him back out, freed him. he loves martin, and he's maybe the only person who ever has or ever will.
the thought of it feels a lot like despair, actually.
in the room at his back, he can feel the pull of the watcher, the archivist's power to compel. he can very nearly see the scene-- dorian smug and enraptured, jon's hungry, heavy stare. martin never should have come here; it was always going to end this way. ]
.. I'm going to go home, [ he says at last, feeling emptied even of tears. ] I'm-- I'm sorry for wasting your time, Crowley. [ crowley hadn't signed up for this, and he definitely deserves more from martin than he's had lately. ]