[ he winces at the way crowley puts it, glancing away to stare at a spot on the floor. like that, it sounds.. bad. a little obsessive, actually, or pathetic at the very least. just.. ]

I know it doesn't look like it, but he is trying, [ he says softly, finally releasing crowley's hand to rub his palms atop his thighs. ] And I-- I've hurt him, too. We're, um.. learning. I-- I-- I haven't told him things that I should have, and.. I've been.. self-centered. [ he still doesn't like to think about his breakdown on a night when jon had been actually missing some aspect of his heart. that had been.. ugly.

he scrapes his nails over the back of his other hand, anxious and guilty, hating that he's dragged crowley into this. ] He loves me, and.. he needs me.