[And he hates it. It tears at him in a way few other sorrows ever have. He feels guilty, completely unaware that in some ways their thoughts are traveling down the same river, just in different boats. Doubt has eaten at him for thousands of years as to how he can be considered good. And if he can't, what does it mean that he's still what he is? If She is playing favorites, it's horribly cruel to both of them in different ways.]
I will be patient with you until I stop existing. Love you until I'm no more.
[He brackets Crowley's face in his hands, too, wiping at his cheeks with his thumbs.]
But until then, I've got to stop tearing at you like this. I don't know...how to do this. I'm trying to learn. And I just...
[He kisses him almost too hard, a flat lipped, still press that stays until he has to pull back and draw in another hitch of breath.]
I'll figure it out.
[Roughly. He's furious with himself for not holding it together better than this.]
no subject
[And he hates it. It tears at him in a way few other sorrows ever have. He feels guilty, completely unaware that in some ways their thoughts are traveling down the same river, just in different boats. Doubt has eaten at him for thousands of years as to how he can be considered good. And if he can't, what does it mean that he's still what he is? If She is playing favorites, it's horribly cruel to both of them in different ways.]
I will be patient with you until I stop existing. Love you until I'm no more.
[He brackets Crowley's face in his hands, too, wiping at his cheeks with his thumbs.]
But until then, I've got to stop tearing at you like this. I don't know...how to do this. I'm trying to learn. And I just...
[He kisses him almost too hard, a flat lipped, still press that stays until he has to pull back and draw in another hitch of breath.]
I'll figure it out.
[Roughly. He's furious with himself for not holding it together better than this.]