[There's a deep, bitter part of him that wants to point out that Aziraphale hasn't been obedient. He gave away the sword, lied about it, spent centuries trading blessings and temptations with a demon, and he never fell for it, never heard a bad word from God.
None of that means he'd ever want Aziraphale to fall. It isn't jealously, not really. He's just furious about the double standards. He's furious that humans get a second chance, even though he doesn't want one. Mostly, he's just furious that he can't let go of this, that millennia later it still aches.
He can feel Aziraphale crying, and pulls back enough to look at him, to frame his face in his hands, thumbs brushing away the tears. His own eyes are bright and wet and he knows he likely looks a mess, but what does it matter, really?]
I'm trying. [It feels like a plea as he says it, begging Aziraphale to understand.] I'm trying, I just — the only love I've known was conditional.
[It's hard to let go of the fear that this love will be torn away from him, too.]
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None of that means he'd ever want Aziraphale to fall. It isn't jealously, not really. He's just furious about the double standards. He's furious that humans get a second chance, even though he doesn't want one. Mostly, he's just furious that he can't let go of this, that millennia later it still aches.
He can feel Aziraphale crying, and pulls back enough to look at him, to frame his face in his hands, thumbs brushing away the tears. His own eyes are bright and wet and he knows he likely looks a mess, but what does it matter, really?]
I'm trying. [It feels like a plea as he says it, begging Aziraphale to understand.] I'm trying, I just — the only love I've known was conditional.
[It's hard to let go of the fear that this love will be torn away from him, too.]
I need you to be patient with me.